The Side-Hustle Dad

Ep15
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Perfectionism Trap
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​[00:00:00]

Bryan Steele: Welcome back. I'm excited to be here with you today. Something's been coming up the last few weeks, and I feel like it was time for a little mindset shift on the podcast, just something to talk about. Just this idea of perfectionism keeps coming up. I keep hearing about it, I keep talking about it, seeing it in different stories, and I felt like for you, as you're building a side hustle, as you're moving through things, I think it's really important to talk about, because I think a lot of times you will have the temptation to get stuck in busy work, doing things that are not important and avoiding the things you [00:01:00] should be doing.

I really think at its root, perfectionism is just a socially acceptable mask for procrastination and a deep fear of failure. We just lean into these things saying, "Ah, this is... this has to be just right before I'm able to move on." And I think that that's a dangerous place to be in, honestly, for your business, because it keeps us from moving forward and making progress, and it's going to keep you stuck.

See, perfectionism is, at its core, procrastination. You're going to spend six hours dabbling on a brand color palette, or trying to figure out your logo, or building a website, or setting XYZ up, not because that's the most important thing to do for your business, but because you're avoiding the things that move you [00:02:00] forward.

So you tell everybody, I have to get my website just right. It's got to be perfect before I move forward. I have to do this." And so it just becomes a series of procrastination steps, and so perfectionism becomes a trap. You're not actually moving the needle on the business.

You're hiding behind other tasks that are less important.

Busywork vs Progress
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Bryan Steele: What are those needle-moving things? You know, sales calls reaching out to that lead that's ghosted you, sending out that proposal, following up, going to that networking event, putting yourself out there. And the interesting thing is perfectionism exists in both worlds. You claim that you're gonna do these small menial tasks, website, brand, logo, palette, color palettes, all that stuff, [00:03:00] copywriting, social media. You claim that that's the place you're focusing because it needs to be perfect before you move forward.

But the real, the real issue is you're not doing the other things because you're afraid you can't be perfect at them. That's, that's where the interesting piece to me is. You do all the work, you do these little things 'cause they feel busy, but busyness is not the goal. It feels productive, but that's not actually building the business, you're hiding.

Fear of Rejection
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Bryan Steele: We do the low-stakes stuff because the website can't tell you no. The logo doesn't have a face to it. There's no rejection there. We're terrified of picking up the phone because that potentially brings rejection, and that rejection means that we're not perfect at it But I wouldn't expect you to be perfect at it [00:04:00] yet.

You are new to this business world. This is a side hustle that you're building. I don't expect you to be really good at calling somebody up and telling them about your services and closing a deal, but it's the most important thing. And the most important thing to do is to continue to get those reps. So we hide instead behind these things that we say we want to be perfect.

We're hiding because we're afraid of rejection. We're hiding because what we are not good at, we feel imperfect at, we haven't done it before. And so we move to other things that can't judge us, that we can claim to continuously be working on, but it's just busy work. It's not actually moving the needle forward, and you know it.

Brain Safety Stories
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Bryan Steele: The interesting piece here is that the human brain is amazing. It's trying to protect us. It's trying to put us in a place of [00:05:00] safety. So it doesn't like us taking risk. When we go and put ourselves in a position where somebody can say no, where somebody can, in theory, reject us, it starts to push back, and it starts to make all sorts of stories up in your head.

"No one's ever gonna say yes. They don't like you. They're gonna hate you. They're gonna tell everybody not to work with you if you try to make this call now." And they're, they become the, the wildest stories. You start to say, "Well, now my reputation's gonna go down the drain, and it's gonna get back to my day job, and then somebody's gonna find out, and then they're gonna fire me, and y- but I'm gonna be living in a van down by the river."

That's where our, that's where our brain goes because at its root, the brain's job is trying to keep us safe. It's putting that in place. It's telling those unrealistic stories Because it gets us doing the same thing. Because let's be honest, your life is not [00:06:00] terrible. You're not impoverished. You're actually doing some things that work.

You have a job, you have a family, you are a dad. You've got the good things in your life. And so your brain says, "I need to protect these things, and so I don't want to take the risk." The problem with that is what it's keeping you safe from is also the opportunity for massive growth and a life that is different.

Why Risk Matters
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Bryan Steele: You know, we talked early on about having a goal for your side hustle, right? What does it look like if you had an extra five hundred, a thousand, two thousand dollars a month from a side hustle? We're not talking about a new career, but if you just created that little bit of financial margin, what would that do for your life?

Is that allowing you to save for va- go on better vacations? Is it allowing you to eliminate debt? Is it allowing you to send your kids to college and set them up for [00:07:00] the future? Those are powerful things, and if we give into the fear, if we give into the risk, then we're never going to take that chance to move forward.

So we have to push ourselves beyond those impossibly negative things, because that opportunity is there too. So you have to remind yourself of that. When you start to get afraid, when you start to get fearful around those things, just know that that might be the next opportunity. I'm actually leaving from this recording.

I'm going to a networking event. I don't personally like networking. I like people, but networking is just hard sometimes, 'cause I'm having to meet a lot of new people. But I know it's important. I know it's important to show up, because the more I show up, the more reps I get, the more opportunities I get.

And that's the next thing I wanna talk about.

Embrace Imperfection
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Bryan Steele: You have to embrace imperfection. You are running a business, [00:08:00] and that's likely not your skill set. You didn't get an MBA. You didn't study in school to be an entrepreneur. You have a skill, and you recognize that skill has value in the marketplace. Whether it's a service or a product, you figured something out and turned that into something that somebody would spend money on, which is fantastic.

But you didn't learn about marketing. You didn't learn about cash flow management. You didn't learn about sales. You didn't learn how to cold call. That wasn't your world. Maybe in some instances, you got a little taste of some of those things, but by and large, I would guess most of you, that was not your experience.

And so now you're having to do things you don't have any practice in And the fear is you're not gonna be perfect. And I'll tell you what, it's okay. You don't have to be perfect. We're gonna talk about marketing and sales in future episodes, and try to give some frameworks and ways to think through it so you're f- you feel a little bit more prepared.

[00:09:00] But I'm gonna tell you, the most important thing to do is show up and do those things. If you need to call somebody, if you need to follow up with somebody, if you need to have a difficult conversation with an existing client, those are the things you have to lean into.

That is where business growth is. That is where the needle gets moved on your business in a way that scales, in a way that provides, in a way that doesn't suck up all your time with distractions. Because we need to spend our limited resources on the most important things, and our brain is most likely gonna try and hide us from the most important things.

Five Seconds Courage
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Bryan Steele: So the first thing to accept is that you will be imperfect, and do it anyway. Give yourself five seconds of crazy courage, like dialing the number. Once the phone is ringing, you're committed. Once you send [00:10:00] the email, once you send the proposal, you've committed to some degree.

You just have to have courage for a tiny little bit And then you're gonna get that opportunity. I mean, sometimes I even, when I was working on music, I would just spend all the time working on a song just like, "Ah, just gotta get it perfect." It's never gonna be perfect. Repetitions is how we get better. So you make the call, and then it doesn't go well.

Well, guess what? Now you have a data point to know what went wrong, what can I do better? And without that, you're not going to make any progress. So you have to embrace imperfect reps at the most important thing.

Rejection Goals
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Bryan Steele: You honestly should probably set a goal for rejection. I love this concept because it actually, like reward yourself.

Like, hey, I'm gonna, I'm gonna go... When I get rejected five times, whether it's trying to get a coffee meeting, I try to make a sale, I cold call somebody, after five rejections, I'm gonna treat myself to some ice cream. I'm [00:11:00] gonna reward myself. I'm gonna treat myself for that little bit of courage and putting in positive reinforcement for embracing those difficult things that are ultimately gonna get you to the yes.

Just embrace rejection, embrace a no, because at the end of it, as you go, you will improve every single time. It's like going to the gym. You're not gonna be good, you're not gonna be strong early on, but it's dedication and it's consistency. And it doesn't have to be a crazy amount of consistency.

It can literally just be, "I'm gonna go lift for 15 minutes. I'm gonna do this small step, and I'm gonna keep moving forward consistently." And over time, that is going to reap benefits down the road.

Consistency Wins
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Bryan Steele: Don't be afraid of the hard things. You don't need to be perfect at them, [00:12:00] but you need to be consistent at them.

So embrace that. That's what I want you to do today. You don't need a flawless pitch. Just get the reps, get the volume, right? You don't learn to ride a bike on your first try. You don't lift weights well at the beginning. The transformation happens later. And know that you can learn these skills. None of this is innate.

Some people might be naturally better at it But even they had to learn. So just embrace the process. Like, I'm thinking Joel Embiid, like, you're embracing the process. Embrace the rejection. Reward yourself for leaning into those hard things. Give yourself those targets for doing the hard thing you know you need to do, because we're shifting away from a perspective of fear.

We're shifting away from a perspective of pr-procrastination because we [00:13:00] think everything has to be perfect. None of us are perfect. All of us are busy, and it's okay. Lean in. Lean into those things.

Weekly Challenge
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Bryan Steele: My ask for you this week is that you would think about what is that one thing you're avoiding and you're distracting yourself with all this other busy work, but that you know, I mean, you already know what that one thing is that's gonna move the needle forward.

What is that one thing, and then how can you give yourself a target or a reward for doing that one thing consistently? So that's my, my action for you today. Take that one small step and do it consistently. I think you'll be amazed at the impact it has over time.

Wrap Up Next Series
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Bryan Steele: So glad to have you with me today.

Next time, we're gonna be starting a miniseries. We're gonna be talking about marketing and sales. So if you are new to this and you're afraid of [00:14:00] marketing, you're afraid of sales, they feel icky and confusing, we're gonna give you some basic frameworks that you can use in your business.

So make sure that you're subscribed, and I will see you next time

​ [00:15:00]